


stars lined up so perfectly (but not for me)

by Jazer



Series: Destroy the middle, it's a waste of space [3]
Category: Inazuma Eleven, Inazuma Eleven GO
Genre: Atsuya and Shirou are both coaches here, Character Study, Child Neglect, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fubuki Atsuya Lives AU, Fubuki Atsuya is also kinda mean in this one, Fubuki Atsuya plays piano, Gen, Hakuren team is awesome ok, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Movie Nights, Parental Fubuki Atsuya, Parental Fubuki Shirou, Yukimura Hyouga - centric, Yukimura Hyouga transfers schools a lot, anxiety attack, but he's actually cool too so it's okay!, he's also got trust issues, i like to play with my fav characters and make them suffer sorry, more like a panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 17:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17228225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazer/pseuds/Jazer
Summary: Hakuren is not like any other school.For one - they don't throw him out after the first practice match.And, it's kind of weird, but it seems that Hakuren has two coaches instead of one?In which, Yukimura Hyouga meets not only Fubuki Shirou, but also his brother Atsuya; refuses Fifth Sector's offer and masters his Avatar and learns Eternal Blizzard without them; and realizes that sometimes, you have to stand up for yourself because no one else will do it for him.





	stars lined up so perfectly (but not for me)

**Author's Note:**

> i just *clenches fist* love Yukimura so much, can't u tell?
> 
> So I'm putting it in the series, but it's kind of stand alone?  
> Okay, so this one is just kind of an idea I was toying with, so it's,,, probably not that good as the rest. It's also not part of Look Around or Yesterday Was Hard On All Of Us. It's the same universe, tbh, but it's not tied with it. As you can see, I put Atsuya in it as well, BUT.
> 
> I was actually basing on Atsuya from the original? Because I haven't watched Ares yet, and I technically just saw fragments of him there? So he MAY NOT be accurate and perhaps OOC, a little? It's whatever, because I will probably fix it when I'm done with Ares. 
> 
> (He's a little soft here, i think).
> 
> But, uh yeah. So it's also a bit long, I'm sorry. It seems I just can't write short things anymore. 
> 
> OH! And the title is from Lucky One by Simple Plan. It's really good :3

Yukimura Hyouga loves soccer.

  
That’s not something special – he also loves knitting, singing lullabies and playing violin. However, it’s soccer that makes sure Hyouga doesn’t wallow in self-pity for days, and it’s the reason why Hyouga has the motivation to get up the next day despite the poor situation he seems to always find himself in.

 

It’s a common knowledge by now, that Hyouga changes schools like gloves ever since Fifth Sector took over the soccer world.

  
Because Hyouga loves it, loves it so much he cannot physically force himself to play anything LESS than serious soccer. And the board doesn’t take kindly to people like him, so Hyouga’s mostly thrown out after the first practice match. Never stayed in one place for more than a month.

  
He’s gotten used to that. His parents did as well – although, Hyouga can tell they’re getting fed up with it.

  
He doesn’t expect anything to be different this time.

  
After all, Hakuren is just like any other school.

* * *

  
Hakuren is not like any other school.

  
It’s… weird. Hyouga can’t put a name on it yet, because when he signs up for soccer club and arrives at practice, all goes exactly how it did the few previous schools ago. New teammates seem to glare at him whenever he passes the ball, but other than that, he’s not exactly shunned for it just yet.

  
Yet.

  
Because despite Hakuren being remotely better than the previous schools, Coach still throws him angry looks. It’s all fine, Hyouga gets off only with light scolding and few mean words from the goalkeeper.

  
It seems that whatever Fifth Sector said was enough to make his new teammates scared of acting out and that left Hyouga with a bitter taste in his mouth. The one person who doesn’t seem to give a damn about what the Fifth Sector says, is strangely enough, the person who’s involved with soccer the least.

  
“I don’t like it, honestly,” Risuna Kou, second-year and manager of Soccer Club says over lunch, “I don’t get why they even restrict soccer like this.”

  
Hyouga shrugs, playing with his food, “Me either.”

  
Kou looks up then, and smiles, “Don’t worry, Yukimura-kun! I’m sure better days will come!”

  
“Sure,” he agrees easily, “As soon as school hires someone who actually trains us.”

  
Kou nods her agreement, before she digs into her own food with a quiet hum.

* * *

 

“I don’t see the reason why you spend so much time on that stupid hobby of yours, Hyouga,” his mother says when he explains to her why he always comes back late home.

  
Here’s the thing:

  
Hyouga’s parents hate soccer.

  
There’s this little part of Hyouga that says it’s not fair they get to trash-talk something they’ve never tried before but it’s usually squashed by the feeling of disappointing them when it actually does seem like a waste of time. Hakuren, while welcoming and with potential of being very good team, lacks a proper coach and training. And Hyouga can only go so far with kicking a ball into an empty goal.

 

“I like it,” he says simply.

  
It’s so easy to anger his parents. So easy to trip and say the wrong thing.

  
His father doesn’t even glance at him, “What about art?”

  
That alone is enough to make Hyouga pause, “What about it?”

  
“Don’t play dumb!” his mother snaps, “You know you’re going to have to give up that useless ball-kicking for something more useful.”

  
_‘Useless ball-kicking_ ,’ she said. 

  
Hyouga bites down an urge to protest at the wording as he nods, “Yeah.”

  
He knows.

  
He knew from the beginning.

  
At first, his parents didn’t care about soccer. As long as Hyouga kept out of sight and didn’t bother them, he was fine to do what he wanted. Last two years changed. Or maybe, it’s just Hyouga that started to notice worse things in his parents.

  
Like the way they changed from caring to cold in a span of few second.

 

Like the way Hyouga gradually stopped wanting to come back home.

  
The little things that confused Hyouga.

  
“Make sure to study harder, too,” his mother says as he washes his plate, dries it and puts it back on the shelf, “Your grades have dropped.”

  
Hyouga goes back to his room with a bitter taste in his mouth.

 

* * *

  
Either Kou is a clairvoyant or she has contacts in higher places. When she said there will be probably something happening in the next few days, Hyouga wanted to laugh in her face and say that he really hopes that’s’ not the case and that he won’t have to transfer again.

  
However, it goes like this:

  
Morning practice begins as usual with the exception of Hyouga being excluded from all the plays and mainly ignored despite being a forward on the team. His teammates don’t spare him a glance and Hyouga is sure that him stepping out wouldn’t even make a dent in the match. When he asks the coach why, he gets one answer:

  
“You’re not playing like we do. That’s it.”

  
And even if Hyouga tries to defend himself, it’s pointless and the Coach just glares at him and shoos him away. In the end, Hyouga angrily storms out of the gym, nearly slamming the door shut and enjoying the sound it made as it locked.

  
All in one – today is not Hyouga’s day.

  
Morning classes pass in the blur and at the end of the day, Hyouga is still aggravated to the point of shooting daggers at his food. Kou despite knowing the reason why he’s so irritated, laughs.

  
“I hate it,” he mutters around mouthful of rice.

  
Kou nods, sympathetic, “I can tell, Yukimura-kun.”

  
Lunch doesn’t end for another ten minutes when Kou is suddenly called by the club advisor and Hyouga is left alone in the empty corridor, body sluggish and face set in a frown. At this point, people don’t even notice him sulking.

  
And then, an unfamiliar face appears at school.

  
Hyouga double-takes them in before deciding that, nope. He’s out. He’s not dealing with anything else today and dives into another corridor and quietly slips into the music club room. And then , he notices someone sitting by the old, beat up piano and promptly trips over his own two feet.

  
The yelp that escaped him as he lands on the ground makes the person turn to him and Hyouga is probably more horrified by the glare of theirs than by the thought that there is stranger at their school, playing a goddamn piano in a dark room.

  
“What the—“ they cut themselves off and took a step in his direction, “What are you even doing, kid?”

  
“Uh—“

  
Hyouga blinks and shakes his head. Is it just him or the man in the hallway looked EXACTLY like that?

  
“Well?” the man prods, impatient.

  
“What are YOU doing here?” slips out and the man raises an eyebrow as Hyouga hastily adds a meek, “sir?”

  
In his defense, Hyouga’s day isn’t the best. His parents are constantly nagging him to quit the club, and the club itself is just set on following whatever Fifth Sector’s orders are. Hyouga really doesn’t have the patience or interest to entertain random people.

  
“I’m—“

 

And then the door opens.

  
Hyouga tries to stifle the surprised jump and only manages to get himself back on his feet. At least he doesn’t run into the stray chairs in the room this time.

  
Only then, does Hyouga really look at both of them in the room. And immediately after, he regrets doing so, practically staring at— yes. Well. At what exactly? The man who only came in here after them sends the other man a smile.

  
“Atsuya,” he greets, “What are you doing?”

  
“Aniki, I was just checking the room. I’d thought that after all that time, they’d replace this piano.”

  
Holy—

  
“Apparently, the funds went to something else,” the one in the threshold hums, “They build a new gym on the campus.”

  
“Gym?”

  
Hyouga observes them for a moment. Both of them look similar, Hyouga supposes it’s no wonder – they’re apparently brothers from the looks of it. The one who was there before playing the piano is definitely not someone Hyouga wants to get to know better, with his permanent glare and aggressive demeanor. The only thing that seems to be gentle about him is the light red of his – possibly even orange – hair and brown jacket.

  
The other one, now inside the music room, has grey hair and seems to be the calm one. He wears a blue jacket with a white hoodie and two yellow lines on the left shoulder which look like the captain's mark and a white shirt with a green mark that resembles Hakuren's symbol on his shirt, along with a pair of green pants and brown shoes.

  
“The Principal said it was Fifth Sector’s doing,” grey-haired one says.

  
Hyouga snaps to focus at that, and without wasting any time, quietly retreats to the back of the room. He thinks he’s off the hook, almost by the second door, when one of men calls out to him:

  
“Oi, you Chibi!”

  
Hyouga stops with a hand on the door and slowly, cautiously turns his head to look at the orange-haired man, “Me?”

  
“Do you see any other short people here?”

  
Hyouga narrows his eyes at him, “Yeah. You.”

  
The stunned silence that follows almost makes Hyouga snort if not for the split-second panic that makes Hyouga remember all the times he back-talked a Coach and got detention for it. He thinks, briefly, if this is how his day is supposed to go – with Hyouga messing up everything that’s possible to mess up.

  
In the end, the grey-haired man snorts and the orange-haired one looks outraged, “You little—“

  
Then, the first bell rings. Hyouga jumps back from the door, heart pounding.

  
“Geez,” he mutters out, hand on his heart, before he glances at the two, “Sorry, uh, sirs,” he mentally winces, “I have class to get to.”

  
“At least tell me your name, you little shi—“

  
“Atsuya!”

  
And then Hyouga slips out of the room, and walks back quickly to his classroom.

* * *

  
Kou is right almost every time and that thought scares Hyouga probably more than it should. The first time he noticed that was after the third time when she said that Hyouga will probably hear some good news this week and they found out that the old coach is resigning.

  
He tells her it’s like she’s a clairvoyant.

  
She laughs and says, “No, but I overheard teachers talking about it.”

  
They leave it at that. No one really knows why he quit, or who is going to come in and sweep the role for themselves. It does, however, bring a wave of displeasure from a good part of the team when they find out themselves the next day at the gym.

  
“This is bullshit,” one of them says. Others nod their agreements.

  
Hyouga and Kou exchange looks, because Hyouga never liked the coach and Kou wasn’t the fan of the man treating Hyouga like a piece of unneeded dirt. They both were more than overjoyed at the news.

  
“So who’s going to coach us now?”

  
Kou actually pauses at that, looking at the other two managers, before shrugging, “No one informed us, yet.”

  
“What do you mean no one informed us yet, are you fu—“

  
“Fifth Sector will probably send someone soon,” Hyouga cuts in, before the boy can get into a full rant, “Stop blaming her for it.”

  
The boy’s eyes flash. Hyouga’s is painfully reminded of his mother’s own steel gaze when she hears something she doesn’t like and he nearly flinches, “Who asked you?”

  
“Who asked YOU for your complaints?” Hyouga shoots back and he thinks to himself, that he should’ve probably kept his mouth shut. It’s not worth getting in fights this early in the year. But when he looks back, he sees Kou gritting her teeth and he knows that the boy’s words are annoying her.

  
The boy cracks his knuckles, “Want to fight, you little jerk?”

 

Hyouga narrows his eyes, ready to reply, when someone clears their throat behind them. The boy’s eyes widen in panic, before he bows, “I’m sorry, sir!”

  
Hyouga frowns, turning around and freezes.

  
The same orange-haired man he met in the music room stares at him for a moment, before he points a finger at him, “It’s you!”

  
Hyouga swallows down and takes a step back. Everyone’s eyes turn to look at him and Hyouga tries to ignore it, but the longer the silence goes, the harder it is to pretend that the weight of their stares doesn’t bother him as much as it does.

  
“Yeah,” he mumbles out, finally, “that’s me.”

  
Oh God, please. Someone tell him this man isn’t here for what Hyouga thinks he’s here for.

  
But then. It happens.

  
“Yukimura Hyouga-kun, right?” the one next to the orange-haired man asks gently, “It’s good to see you here.”

  
Hyouga wants to die.

  
“Yeah,” he answers pathetically.

  
Kou sends him a questioning look, before the grey-haired man turns to the rest of the group, “As you all probably know, your old Coach Furihata recently resigned his position here. I can’t tell you why, that’s kind of private, but he’s not coming back—“

  
“Which means you rascals, are now stuck with both of us,” the orange-haired one continues with a grin, juggling the ball on his knee.

  
Hyouga stares at him blankly, “Pardon?” he voices quietly.

  
“The principal appointed us as your new Coaches,” the grey-haired one explains, “It’s probably going to be weird for you, having us both here, but I hope we can all get along.”

  
Hyouga can already tell that’s not going to work out well. The team is actually separated in two parts. The one who follows Fifth Sector because they want to, and the other half where they follow Fifth Sector because they’re too scared to try and defy them.

  
The half that’s a fan of managed soccer stirs at that and glares at them.

  
“That’s stupid.”

  
“Dumb!”

  
And lastly, “I’m quitting!” 

  
“The less of you little shits, the better.” 

  
“Atsuya!”

  
“What? I’m not going to waste time on people like them,” the orange-haired one – Atsuya, it seems – huffs, “If they want to quit, they should just do it.”

  
Hyouga ends up as one of the five people who stayed. It feels weird, without the older students around, almost freeing in a way. Hyouga watches them all go and leave the gym.

  
Only then, Kou clears her throat, “Right. Could you please introduce yourselves?”

 

“I’m Fubuki Shirou,” the grey-haired one smiles at them, then gestures with his hand at the other, “And this is Atsuya. My brother.”

  
And then, because Hyouga’s actually a huge idiot with no self-respect, he digs his own grave.

  
“You’re still short,” Hyouga can’t keep himself from saying.

  
Atsuya’s eyes flash, “Excuse me, you midget?”

 

Hyouga doesn’t flinch. In the day light, Atsuya’s glare is nowhere as scary as his mother’s. He merely smiles politely, “Nothing.”

  
Koori Itsuki – the midfielder with pale skin, long dark-blue hair with light-blue hair locks at the front that he has tied in a ponytail and black eyes – blinks at him, “Never knew you’d be such a smartass, Yukimura.”

  
“Must be because the other coach was a douche,” Kitaki Tsuneo - with a tanned skin and long white hair that covers up his right eye, mutters, “You saw how Yukimura-san was treated on the field. No wonder he wants to let loose now.”

 

Hyouga shifts uncomfortably on his feet, “Could we not talk about this?”

  
Kou looks at him, before she narrows her eyes at two men, “Should we expect the same treatment?”

  
“Same treatment?”

  
“Yeah,” Koori-san looks at Hyouga, “We’re going to play like Fifth Sector wants us to, aren’t we? That’s how it always is. Yukimura always gets the worst of it, though.”

  
Hyouga’s ears burn, “That’s not true!”

  
“It is,” Kitaki-san insists and turns to Fubuki Shirou when the man tilts his head at them, “Yukimura transferred not long ago and the Coach told us to not pass to him. Like, at all.”

 

Koori-san nods, “I don’t want the repeat of that, though,” he looks at Hyouga apologetically, “Sorry, Yukimura. It wasn’t fair to you.”

  
Hyouga scratches his neck, “It’s okay.”

  
“Well,” Fubuki Shirou begins, just as Fubuki Atsuya cuts in with a an angry huff.

  
“There’s no way we’re gonna play like the old men in Fifth Sector do,” he says bluntly, “So whatever you did with your old coach, is not applying to what we’re going to do now. Got it?”

  
“Yes, sir!”

  
“Good,” he sighs, “Cuz I don’t like repeating myself.”

  
Hyouga doesn’t respond to that, instead opting to glance at now mostly empty gym.

  
It seems like there’s a lot to do now.

* * *

  
Hyouga doesn’t know how he ended up like this.

  
It started with Miyuki-san – Hyouga’s new neighbor – because all weird and questionable things in Hyouga’s life happen with her as a source. Miyuki-san is a nice young woman with kind, but sharp blue eyes and middle length sea-green hair and she just happens to be the only adult person in Hyouga’s life that doesn’t immediately tells him that soccer sucks.

  
Actually, she is all in favor of it. It turned out, very early in their relationship, that Miyuki-san actually has older brother who also played in high school. If Hyouga were more dramatic, he would say Miyuki-san is the mother Hyouga desperately craved for.

  
But Hyouga is not dramatic.

  
Not really.

  
If he were, he most certainly wouldn’t be standing where he is now. And that is in Miyuki-san’s garden with pair of brothers Hyouga just recently met at school. A dramatic person would turn around, say “nope!” and get the fuck out of there. Because there’s no way Hyouga can stand being around Fubuki Atsuya – the living definition of “annoying at first sight”.

  
“You all drink tea, don’t you?” she calls out from the inside. Hyouga doesn’t bother answering, instead he sits down in the far corner of the garden and tries to keep himself from glaring.

  
“I’d prefer coffee.” Atsuya-san speaks up.

  
“Is black okay?”

  
“I’ll live.”

  
“Atsuya, don’t be rude.”

  
“I’m not!”

  
Hyouga stares at them for longer than he should, before he sighs quietly and curls up on his seat. He wishes he could just stay like this – with Miyuki-san, even if it meant dealing with strange men and their dynamics. Hyouga can say without hesitation that Miyuki-san’s hospitality feels more like home than his own house ever did.

 

And that—

  
That actually makes Hyouga sad.

  
“Oi, Yukimura-kun,” Miyuki-san places a bright red mug in front of him, “Stop brooding.”

  
Hyouga takes a minute to register her words, “I’m not brooding, Miyuki-san.”

  
He catches Atsuya-san giving him a Look, he ignores it.

  
Miyuki-san sighs, then sits down herself, “Is it about, uh,” she glances at Shirou-san and Atsuya-san, and trails off, “You know. The thing.”

  
Hyouga can KIND OF guess what she means by that, but he still shakes his head, “I’m fine.”

  
“Well, now that sounds like bullshit,” Atsuya-san comments bluntly.

  
Shirou-san blinks at him, “Aren’t you talkative today?”

  
“Shut it, Aniki.”

  
Hyouga takes his mug and blows on it, “I didn’t ask for your opinion, Atsuya-san.”

  
“I’m your coach now.”

  
Hyouga looks at him, deadpan, “I didn’t ask for your opinion, _Coach Atsuya_ ,” he corrects dryly.

  
He can tell by the way Atsuya-san smirks self-satisfied, that Hyouga will not get along with him and he wonders, briefly, if that means that Hyouga will be put on the bench permanently. It’s true they said that they aren’t going to play by Fifth Sector’s rules, but Hyouga’s not a total idiot.

  
That. And he’s never been lucky. Sooner or later, they will both leave.

 

“At, that’s right,” Miyuki-san brightens up, “They accepted you two?”

  
Shirou-san nods, “Hakuren’s a bit of in pinch right now. Maybe that’s why. We still don’t know why the former coach resigned, though.”

  
Hyouga can actually guess.

  
And that’s not because he knows Coach Furihata that well or anything. But Hyouga changes schools like gloves, he picks on a thing or two. And lately, lots of people have been either forced to quit or were changed for others. Why? Hyouga’s not entirely sure yet.

  
He does know, however, that an awfully big amount of people has stopped trying to get into soccer clubs. And if there are no people in the clubs, Fifth Sector can’t manage shit.

  
“That’s, like, a marketing thing,” Hyouga blurts out.

  
Atsuya-san’s face twists, but Shirou looks genuinely curios, “What do you mean?”

  
“I mean,” Hyouga shifts on his seat and grips his mug tighter, “That Hakuren’s not the only school that recently had a coach resign. That’s all. It’s um,” he hesitates, biting his lip.

  
Is he really supposed to say?

  
He doesn’t trust the two of them.

  
Not really. And then there’s—

  
_‘Don’t get in the way, Hyouga’._

  
_‘Don’t get in trouble’._

  
Hyouga’s theories aren’t that important. Hyouga’s opinion doesn’t matter. He’s only supposed to bring good grades and make sure to not transfer again.

  
Miyuki-san looks at him like she knows and he knows she can’t actually find out what’s going on, but she still tilts her head, “Yukimura-kun, all of us are in favor of bring back the real soccer,” she says and it feels important so Hyouga nods his head to tell her he’s listening, “If you know something, it would help us.”

 

“What, are you planning a revolution?” he asks jokingly, but when silence answers him and three adults look at him seriously, Hyouga gapes, “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

  
“Yukimura-kun.”

  
“That’s crazy, Miyuki-san,” he says, shaking his head, “Absolutely crazy. If Fifth Sector finds out, Hakuren will wind up being destroyed.”

  
“We know,” Shirou-san says, frowning, “We won’t let that happen.”

  
Hyouga tries to understand, really, he does.

  
But starting a revolution is on a total different level.

  
“Tell that to the Holy Emperor, Coach Shirou,” Hyouga makes sure his voice doesn’t shake at the thought of leaving Hakuren, abandoning Kou – the first friend he’s made in a long, long time, “I’m sure he will just let you all do what you want.”

 

“Well, aren’t you an optimistic fellow?” Atsuya-san mutters out.

  
Hyouga doesn’t try to hide his glare this time, “I’m sorry. I don’t really want to look for another school. Again.”

  
Atsuya-san actually frowns at him, but Hyouga’s too angry to say something else, so he settles back with his mug and drinks it. It’s lukewarm now. Bleh.

  
“Yukimura-kun,” Miyuki-san starts, but hesitates for a moment. Then, she nods to herself, as if reassuring herself, “I know Hakuren means a lot to you. Especially with the way you’ve been moving out, but you said it yourself. This is not soccer. It’s not fun.”

  
“It’s not fair to those who really want to play,” Shirou-san adds in, gently, “We went to Hakuren, it means a lot to us too. We wouldn’t let anything happen to it.”

  
Hyouga clenches his hands.

  
Because it doesn’t mean the same thing it does to Hyouga. Hakuren to Hyouga is an escape, it’s more of a home than his parents are. People there aren’t the best, but his teachers support him, he has Kou and he can still practice on the school grounds. He doesn’t have to be stuck in his four walls all the time.

  
Hakuren means freedom.

  
It means home.

  
Hyouga doesn’t—

  
He can’t—

  
“Sure,” he bites out, “Make sure to tell Fifth Sector that.”

  
Hyouga doesn’t want to be alone again.

  
“Yukimura-kun—“

  
“Sorry, Miyuki-san,” he gets up, dusts his pants off and takes his messenger bag, “My parents wanted to talk to me, so I’ll be going now.”

  
“Yukimura…”

  
“Goodbye, Miyuki-san. Coach Atsuya, Coach Shirou,” he nods at them and then he’s gone.

  
And with that, heavy silence settles over them.

* * *

  
Kou knows there’s something wrong the second she lays her eyes on him and he doesn’t even bother to hide it. Hyouga finds that he’s too tired – from what? He doesn’t know. Maybe he just can’t get over the fact that no matter what happens, Hyouga will have to abandon soccer.

  
His mother made herself clear in that.

 

“It’s a useless sport,” she said yesterday, hands on her hips, “You’re supposed to be an artist, Hyouga.”

  
His father added without a beat of silence, “Just quit that club already. You’re no good at it.”

  
Hyouga wants to say that it doesn’t matter, he’s went through his entire life without adult’s approval – but there’s a childish part of Hyouga that craves for attention, for a little bit of support.

  
Kou doesn’t hesitate to point out his state, “You look kind of sad, Yukimura-kun.”

  
Hyouga shrugs, “I’m fine.”

  
Such a simple statement. So little truth in it.

  
Kou frowns at him, opens her mouth to say something more and then closes it again, at loss. Hyouga wants to reassure her more, his problems aren’t a big deal and she has enough to deal on her own, but his words are stuck.

  
Classes go in a flash. Hyouga kind of wishes they didn’t. For the first time in a long time, he actually dreads coming to practice. It’s not that it’s boring, it’s not even that he minds having a smaller group around – it’s not like he really got to play with any of them. He tells himself it’s because his life keeps throwing shit at him that he reluctantly walks into the gym.

  
But as soon as Atsuya-san notices him and sends him a grin, Hyouga knows exactly why he’s not thrilled with being there.

  
“Alright, all of you. Gather around!” Shirou-san calls out to them. Hyouga glances at the five? No. Four of them and grimaces. That’s not even enough to form a team.

  
Hyouga knows it’s because no one else trusts those two. Maybe the others just wanted someone from Fifth Sector who would ensure their future would be bright. With them here? There’s no guarantee.

  
“Is there really a point?” Itetsuki Touma - with light blue hair cut in zig-zags and black eyes – cuts in, “I mean. There’s only…” he pauses, eyes shifting around the room to count them, “Five of us.”

  
Atsuya-san’s grin turns sharp, “Six. You’re playing with me.”

  
Hyouga’s heart must have stopped for a moment before he looks up to glare at the men. He could have imagined that, but he swears he saw Shirou-san giving them both a Look.

  
“Oh,” Touma-san blinks, surprised, “Alright.”

  
All of them look at each other in confusion, before shrugging.

  
And then, it goes as well as expected. Their positions are messed up and Makari Ginjirou - with dark turquoise hair that covered most of his face, black eyes and a scarf around his neck, covering part of his face leaving only one eye to be seen – ends up as a goalkeeper along with Kitaki-san. That leaves Koori-san and Touma-san as defenders and Hyouga with Atsuya-san as forwards.

  
In a way, it’s a learning experience for some of them.

  
On the other hand, it leaves Hyouga stuck playing against a possibly retired, professional soccer player who just keeps grinning at him smugly every time he steals the ball. And that, most certainly, doesn’t leave Hyouga with good feeling.

  
“Oi! Show them what we’ve got, Yukimura!” Koori-san calls out to him.

  
On the other side of the field, Kitaki-san narrows his eyes at them, “You can try but you won’t get through!”

  
Makari-san mutters under his breath, “Yeah and we all know why.”

  
Hyouga tunes them out and takes advantage of Atsuya-san listening to them, diving in for the ball and for the first time, passing the man.

  
“Not so fast, kid!”

 

“Too fast for you, old man?” he whispers to himself, before he swiftly turns and avoids his steal, “Koori-san!”

  
He passes the ball.

  
And then, Hyouga feels something under his skin, something darker, prickling and tearing at him. It’s different than the panic he usually has to endure at very stressful situations – this feeling leaves him drained, but not shaky. More like, a little too energized despite being tired.

 

Shirou-san watching from the bench suddenly turns to him and Hyouga tries to ignore it.

  
Koori-san passes the ball back to him and just as he’s getting ready to shoot, Atsuya-san blocks his path. He grits his teeth as the man’s face.

  
“Is that all you got?” he asks and logically, Hyouga knows it’s only to rile him up.

  
Irrationally, however, his voice reminds him too much of his mother’s. It’s too mocking, too aggressive. Hyouga doesn’t like it.

  
He tries to side-step him, but no matter which way he tries to go, Atsuya-san is there.

  
“Annoying,” he mumbles.

 

“Come on. Don’t make me wait, Chibi.”

  
And Hyouga makes a rookie mistake of falling for that and charging at him. It doesn’t work like it could if the man were his size and he ends up having his ball stolen. In a matter of seconds, Atsuya-san is on the other side of the court and Hyouga wants to look away.

  
In that one moment, two things happen at once.

  
Fubuki Atsuya shoots at Makari-san with a hissatsu shoot – Eternal Blizzard and scores.

  
And:

  
Everyone immediately abandons their post in favor of crowding the man and gawking at him.

  
Hyouga doesn’t even move from the ground. On one side, it’s amazing. It’s breathtaking. It makes something in Hyouga move and it makes his teammate laugh, genuinely, in a game. On the other side, though, it leaves Hyouga with bitterness spreading all over his body, hollowly filling the space Hyouga knows is there only because he can’t do the same.

  
He’s not even half as talented as Atsuya-san is.

  
And he doesn’t even have the time to improve. It’s like the clock is ticking away in his head and he tries to silence it, tries to hit it with everything he’s got, chasing after his dreams, after his passion. He runs fast ahead in his mind. He’s always one step away from getting better.

  
Every time, he runs into a wall.

  
And every time, the wall has a form of his parents.

* * *

  
“What was that all about?” Kou asks when they’re off the field.

  
Hyouga doesn’t look up, “What was what?”

  
“You know what I mean. Your head was not in the game,” she frowns, “It never happened before.”

  
Hyouga wants to agree and say that yeah, it hasn’t. But before, Hyouga didn’t have to be reminder every day that he’s not going to do what he loves, that there are people out there better than Hyouga, more skilled and more lucky. That Hyouga’s just another kid whose parents push their ambitions on them.

  
He’s so, so tired of fighting about this.

  
“Coach Atsuya is actually a good player,” he says instead, wiping his face off with a towel, “Isn’t he?”

  
Kou picks up on something in his voice and tilts her head, “Yeah. They both are, actually. I heard Coach Shirou and Coach Atsuya played together in national league.”

  
Hyouga grips his bottle of water tighter, “That’s nice.”

  
Kou pauses, “Yukimura-kun, are… are you okay?”

  
Hyouga isn’t. He never was.

  
He starts to nod when someone else joins them. Shirou-san kneels in front of him and hands him another towel. Hyouga hesitates for a moment, confused, before he takes it and places it on his head.

  
“You know, Yukimura,” he begins, “I haven’t seen anyone able to keep up with Atsuya like you did.”

  
Hyouga freezes, but keeps his eyes on the bottle, “Coach?”

  
“You’re a very good forward,” Shirou-san continues, unbothered by how wide Hyouga’s eyes are becoming, “Atsuya’s style of playing involves a lot of taunting and shouting at people. You’ve managed to keep your cool way longer than I anticipated.”

  
Kou gapes in the background. Slowly, but surely, Hyouga lifts his head to look at him. Maybe it’s the fact that Shirou-san doesn’t sound like either of his parents, maybe it’s the fact that so far, Hyouga hasn’t been ordered to stay on the bench, thrown out of school or ignored by him.

  
But suddenly, above all the self-doubt and the clock ticking in the background, Hyouga manages to find light. A little flicker of hope.

  
“I’m,” he swallows hard, remembering his mother’s words, the ‘you’re not good enough’ ringing at the back of his head, “I’m a good forward?”

  
Shirou frowns at him only catching those words, but he nods, eyes still gentle, “Yes. You are.”

  
It’s such a simple thing.

  
Stupid few words.

  
And yet, it seems to leave a crack on the mental wall in Hyouga’s mind.

* * *

  
“You seem in a better mood, but there’s still something you’re not telling us,” Miyuki-san decides that day, inviting the Fubuki brothers once again over for a tea.

  
“I’m fine,” is Hyouga’s automatic response at that.

  
Miyuki-san rolls her eyes, “Sure you are.”

  
If that’s how she reacts to Hyouga having a bad day, he dreads what would happen if he told her what regularly happens at home. She’d be pissed as hell knowing what Hyouga has to put up with.

  
“It’s probably something Aniki said,” Atsuya-san comments over his mug of coffee, “They’re probably planning to side with each other and destroy my life.”

  
Miyuki-san looks at him critically, “And you’re still dramatic.”

  
Atsuya-san shrugs, “That’s my charm.”

  
“More like a curse,” Hyouga mutters under his breath, Shirou-san snorting at that. Atsuya-san looks between them, confused and suspicious.

  
“So what did Shirou said that made you like this?”

  
Hyouga raises an eyebrow, “Nothing. I was just thinking.”

 

  
“You’re always thinking, Yukimura-kun,” Miyuki-san complains, “I met you less than a month ago, and I have never seen you smile or really laugh. I’m getting worried.”

  
It’s said as a joke, but there’s a hint of concern in her voice. It’s little, but people like Hyouga, who are naturally careful around others and are able to pick up on body language and tone of voice, notice even the smallest things. Like the way she keeps fidgeting with her mug. Or the way she taps on the table when she’s impatient.

  
“I do smile,” he says.

  
“More like, you frown,” Atsuya-san adds in, “All the time. Even when you’re not, it feels like you are.”

  
Hyouga glares at him even harder. Atsuya sends him an annoying grin.

  
“If there’s something bothering you, Yukimura,” Shirou-san also speaks up, “We’re here for you.”

  
“Uh, no. I’m not,” Atsuya-san protests, “I have enough of teenage drama.”

  
“Fine then. Miyuki and I are.”

  
“Better.”

  
Hyouga doesn’t want to show how much THAT actually means. Adults in Hyouga’s life don’t stay that long – Hyouga learned very early in his life that it’s not convenient to trust them either. Just like every coach threw Hyouga out of the team, just like every principal never hesitated to kick him out of school, just like his parents didn’t look twice at how miserable Hyouga is doing art.

  
And Shirou-san saying he’s there for him while barely knowing him sets off an alarm in his mind, telling him that sometime soon, this Coach will get taken away too.

  
“I will remember that,” Hyouga says to that anyway, despite feeling a chilling empty space in his chest.

  
Maybe, just maybe, he could enjoy it while it lasts.

* * *

  
And then, someone else shows up at Hakuren. No one beside Hyouga even notices the man staring at them at practice, no one even comments. Hyouga would go as far as to say that Coach Atsuya and Shirou didn’t see him either.

  
That makes Hyouga somewhat uneasy.

  
He changes out of his soccer clothes way quicker than usual and makes sure to check twice if no one went through his stuff while they were outside on the field and says a quick goodbye to his teammates, before he rushes out of the dressing room

.  
He doesn’t even get to the exit when he sees that man. He has long, dark maroon hair and periwinkle eyes. He wears a black suit jacket, black pants, and a black hat. And Hyouga can as soon as he sees him, that he doesn’t like what he seems to bode.

  
As he tries to swiftly go outside, the man steps onto his path and looks down at him.

  
Hyouga grits his teeth, fear gripping at his heart, “Sir?”

  
“I’m Kuroki Zenzou,” he says, a smile on his face, “Yukimura Hyouga-kun, am I right?”

  
Hyouga swallows, “How do you know that, sir?”

  
The man waves hand around and Hyouga thinks that the smile on his face is supposed to make him feel at ease. Too bad for him though – Hyouga grew up with fake smile and forced politeness around himself, he knows how to pick up on it.

  
And that Kuroki Zenzou is not genuine in the least.

  
“I know a lot of things, Hyouga-kun,” Hyouga takes a miniscule step back at the sue of his first name, “You’re a very talented player, aren’t you?”

  
Hyouga narrows his eyes, “Not to be rude, sir, but what do you want?”

  
“Nothing, really,” the man’s eyes flash just like his mother’s, “You don’t do well in schools, do you, Hyouga-kun? Nine transfers in a span of what? Three months.”

  
“Ten transfers,” Hyouga corrects, tensely.

  
“Exactly. Don’t you wish you could stay in one place? Be accepted?” and then the man leans down and seems to try and look Hyouga in the eye. The act makes him so uncomfortable that Hyouga turns his head away, “I know a place where you could find other people like you. You could have friends, Hyouga-kun. You could play “real soccer” as you kids say now.”

  
Hyouga freezes and feels cold sweat on his back.

  
Oh. No.

  
Hell no.

  
Never.

 

“I don’t want to be accepted,” he shoots back, almost defensive, “I’m fine where I am.”

  
Kuroki Zenzou then, make a grave mistake, “And would your mother approve of that, Hyouga-kun?”

  
In that one moment, Hyouga’s mind is made up and his face twists into a scowl, “I’m sorry,” he grits out, angrily, “I’m going to have to refuse your offer, sir.”

  
Kuroki narrows his eyes at him and opens his mouth, only to be interrupted by someone else:

  
“Didn’t you hear the kid?” Atsuya-san asks, stepping next to Hyouga with his arms crossed, “Scram!”

  
Hyouga didn’t realize how tense and on edge he’s been until the lone presence of his coach seems to make his mind think Hyouga’s safe and in result, making Hyouga relax and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. A weird concept that Hyouga doesn’t expect to be a daily occurrence. And definitely a fact to be explored later.

  
“I was just having a chat,” Kuroki says, annoyed expression on his face. Yeah. Beat it, old man, Hyouga thinks, for once thanking God for Atsuya-san and his irritating way of being.

  
Atsuya-san’s grin gets sharper, “You do know what people assume you’re doing when you say you were having ‘a chat’ with a young boy, don’t you, Kuroki-san?”

  
Hyouga almost snorts at the man’s face, “Right,” Kuroki drawls out, “I will be on my way then,” and then he glances at Hyouga, “Think of my offer.”

  
Atsuya-san sends him a questioning look, but Hyouga merely frowns, “Thanks, but no. I’d rather not.”

  
Kuroki narrows his eyes, and then he exits the corridor and he’s gone. Hyouga nearly slumps against the nearest wall and sighs. Atsuya-san stays a minute, probably watching and waiting to see if the man really disappeared, before he turns to Hyouga with a patronizing look.

  
Hyouga looks up confused, “What?”

  
“You could’ve told one us about that guy, you know,” he points out, “Imagine what would happen if I didn’t step in. You’re lucky Aniki noticed him when he did.”

  
Oh.

  
So both of them DID see him.

  
Hyouga shrugs to deflect the question, “Fifth Sector occasionally sends their men to schools to scout people to join and become a SEED. I saw it happen before.”

  
Atsuya’s eyes darken, “How do you know THAT?”

  
“I transfer a lot,” Hyouga says in a dismissive tone of voice, “So I know.”

  
That and Hyouga’s a naturally curios being and he does eavesdrop sometimes. Mostly out of boredom.

  
“Huh,” Atsuya-san has a thoughtful expression on his face, “Is that so.”

 

Hyouga shifts on his feet and hoists his bag higher on his arm, “Am I free to go now, Coach?”

  
“Ah, no. Sorry, kiddo. As much as I want you gone from my sight, Aniki wanted to talk to you.”

  
“Coach Shirou?”

  
“Yeah. Come on. The sooner you leave, the sooner I get home for dinner. Man. I’m starving!”

* * *

 

“Someone came after you, Yukimura?”

  
As much as Hyouga is starved for attention, he isn’t that fond of the dark look in Shirou-san’s usually gentle eyes. It feels wrong to even see them that upset.

  
Atsuya-san answers for him, “Kuroki Zenzou. It seems Hakuren is not the only place he showed up,” then he glances at Hyouga, “He says he saw it happen before.”

  
Shirou-san’s frown deepens, “How so?”

  
Hyouga, whose eyes are locked on the object far behind Shirou-san’s back, shrugs, “I just transfer a lot,” he explains shortly, “I saw him a couple of time, now that I think about it. He scouts kids he thinks are a good match for becoming a SEED. Usually, they agree.”

  
Atsuya-san snorts at that, “Stupid brats.”

  
Hyouga rolls his eyes, Shirou-san raises an eyebrow, “And he came for you?”

  
“Yeah.” After a pause, he added, “I refused, though.”

  
_‘And would your mother approve of that, Hyouga-kun?’_

  
Hyouga frowns at that, troubled, “I guess they don’t really know everything, if they came for me,” he muses quietly.

  
“And why’s that?” Atsuya-san leans his back on the wall and waves his hand, “I hate to admit it, but that Kuroki guy was right. You could become a SEED.” Then he pauses, thinking, “But you did not just hear me say it. If anyone asks, I don’t know you.”

  
Hyouga hesitates, heart picking up its speed.

  
The fact that Fifth Sector scouted him flatters him – in one way, that means Hyouga IS a good player – but on the other hand, if they mentioned his mother, it means they don’t know what kind of relationship Hyouga has with her. To him, it’s no secret his mom hates soccer. Naturally, if they wanted him to join, they wouldn’t talk about her.

  
Still.

  
That doesn’t really make Hyouga feel any less shitty about it.

  
“The way he talked gave it away,” Hyouga deflects, “If anything, he made me even more against Fifth Sector.”

  
Atsuya-san doesn’t leave it at that, though, “He mentioned your mom,” he remembers.

  
Hyouga focuses more on the object behind Shirou-san’s back, “Yeah.”

  
When he doesn’t elaborate on that, Atsuya-san narrows his eyes, “You’re not going to explain?”

  
“With all due respect, Coach,” Hyouga nearly sneers, barely holding back his bitterness, “But it’s none of your business.”

  
As Atsuya-san prepares to answer him, Shirou-san cuts in, “Yukimura is right, Atsuya,” then he turns to Hyouga, “That’s now what I wanted to talk about with you, though. I’m sorry that we got off topic.”

  
Hyouga nods, “It’s fine.” It’s not, really. But he doesn’t need to know that.

  
Atsuya pouts in the background, looking betrayed, when Shirou-san continues, “There’s something we’d like to show you.”

  
Hyouga frowns, “Show me what?”

  
It’s only then, that Atsuya smirks, sharp, “Something really, really cool.”

* * *

 

And that’s exactly how Yukimura Hyouga finds out about Eternal Blizzard.

* * *

  
In the end, it takes Hyouga around couple of days to master that technique. A couple more to find out he can also bring out an Avatar.

  
And in the end, as always when something good happens in Hyouga’s life, his mother makes her move.

* * *

  
At the end of the second week of Coach Atsuya and Shirou training them, the rest of the team comes to practice and for the first time since they arrived, Hakuren trained with the full squad. Hyouga ignores the fact that it’s basically a couple of days before Holy Road and they’ve barely had enough time to improve and instead he focuses on the warm atmosphere and pure satisfaction of being able to play his fullest.

  
Kou stands next to the bench of the outside field where Hakuren is holding practice and Hyouga thinks it’s the happiest she’s ever looked in a very long time. He’s glad. From what he knows, Kou hasn’t had the best of luck in life, something Hyouga can personally relate to.

  
Coach Atsuya stands on one side of the field, shouting out words Hyouga can’t really focus on with a nagging feeling in his chest, while Coach Shirou stands on the other side, observing quietly. Hyouga can’t help but think back to a week ago, when their focus was fully on helping Hyouga complete Eternal Blizzard.

  
Maybe it’s that feeling that messes up his minds.

  
Maybe.

  
Hyouga was almost sure that was the case, when he risks a glance at the bench and instead of Kou, he sees his mother. The moment of inattention makes halt in the middle of the field, limbs too numb to move.

  
His mother is here.

  
Here.

  
“Oi! Yukimura, what are you doing!?” Coach Atsuya shouts at him, “Get back to playing!”

  
Hyouga can’t move, staring wide-eyed at his mom, with cold sweat running down his back . He feels sick. He knows. The fact that she’s here is one thing. The fact that she’s here when lately, she has been pushing and pushing at Hyouga to quit soccer, is another.

  
It’s only when the ball hits him in the face that Hyouga snaps out of it, falling flat on his ass.

  
“Ouch,” he mumbles, rubbing his hand on his forehead. It wasn’t that hard of a hit either. Most likely, it was Koori-san that sent the ball in his direction to make him pay attention.

  
“Someone switch in for Yukimura,” Shirou-san calls out, making his way towards him, “Otaru, you’re in!”

  
“Yes, sir!”

  
Hyouga can’t help but feel even worse, but he shakily stands up and sways on his feet. When Shirou-san gets closer to him, he puts his arm around his shoulders and quietly asks, “Something happened?”

  
Hyouga knows, logically, that nothing did. However, he’s mother is still there and she’s still looking at him and Hyouga knows that even of nothing did happen yet, it could in a span of few minutes. He shakes his head anyways, not wanting to worry him.

  
“It’s not like you to space out, Yukimura,” Shirou says and it feels like he doesn’t want to push, but he’s worried enough to try.

  
Hyouga clams up on himself even more, hunching his shoulders as they get closer to the bench where Kou is standing with his mother. If Shirou-san notices, he doesn’t comment on it. Once they’re in Kou’s hearing range, his mother turns to him and immediately, Hyouga feels like has to run.

  
He stifles the urge and musters out a quiet, “Mom.”

  
It makes Shirou stop just the right amount of distance in front of her. He glances up from Hyouga to look at her, “Yukimura’s mother, is that right?”

  
She nods, but doesn’t even spare him a glance. Hyouga unconsciously presses himself closer to Shirou-san’s side, “I need Hyouga to come with me for a moment,” she explains, her voice calm and seemingly polite, despite the storm in her eyes, “It’s important.”

  
Hyouga stiffens, “What for?”

  
“I will tell you in a second,” she answers coolly.

  
There’s the unexplainable desire to say ‘fuck it’ and refuse to do so. Hyouga’s practice time is important, especially before a competition like Holy Road. He can’t afford wasting it just because his mother feels like interrupting.

  
But there’s also fear beneath the want to rebel against her. Hyouga is scared. It’s the first time that he’s able to admit that to himself.

  
He’s reluctant to push away from Coach Shirou, but he does it and steps away. He’s no longer swaying on his feet, and yet, Hyouga can still feel himself curling up and automatically make himself smaller, less of a burden. He hates it.

  
They step away, with Coach Shirou looking at them carefully, and stand a good distance away from them. Hyouga pretends it doesn’t make him uneasy.

  
“What is it?” he dares to ask after a minute of silence.

  
She doesn’t glare at him, no. She never really does. She pierces right through him with her steel gaze and iron hand , but to someone who doesn’t really know her, she’s never unpleasant or mean. She’s coolheaded and stern, but also caring and doting. Hyouga finds himself confused as to which version of her is really his mom.

  
He wonders.

  
He doesn’t really want to know the answer.

  
“I told you to quit, didn’t I?”

  
Hyouga fidgets with his hands, “Yes, but—“

  
“Then what are you doing right now?” her voice cuts in and Hyouga flinches, “I talked with your homeroom teacher already and she said you’re taking part in Holy Road. Are you nuts, Hyouga?”

  
“Mom—“

  
“You’re not even going to win this!” she raises her voice, but it’s still quiet enough so only Hyouga can hear it, “You’re not good at soccer, Hyouga. It’s a waste of time you could be spending practicing your art.”

 

“Victory doesn’t matter,” he manages to say, “I just want to play with my friends.”

  
Her eyes turn cold, “Don’t be ridiculous, Hyouga. You don’t need friends,” she pinches the bridge of her nose, “Honestly, you’re so much work. Why can’t you just do what I say? I know what’s good for you. Do you think playing with your ‘friends’ will get you a good job and easy money?”

  
“But if I get scouted—!”

  
“Exactly,” she sneers, “Scouted. Talented players, hard-working players, natural players get scouted. People with something worth investing get scouted. You’re not like them, Hyouga.”

  
Somehow, her words dig even deeper into him. They tear apart the confidence Hyouga worked so hard to achieve and throw it into the trashcan.

  
His bottom lip trembles, “Coach said I’m good enough.”

  
Cruel smile appears on her face and she shakes her head, “Not for soccer. For art, honey.” Then, she looks around the field, seems to judge them just like she does with Hyouga and sighs, “I have to get back to work, but we will talk more about it when you come back home, alright?”

  
When she strokes his hair, Hyouga recoils away from it. With last, disgusted look at his team, she turns around and walks up the stairs and away from the field. Eventually, she disappears completely from his sight.

  
It’s only then that Hyouga breaks out of his daze and makes a move to return to his team when he realizes his cheeks are wet. Slowly, he raises his hand and watches as a tear slides down his chin and onto his palm. He watches it for a second, before he angrily wipes his face with the sleeve of his uniform.  
Suddenly, the thought of soccer makes it all even worse.

  
Kou must have sensed that something is wrong, because she runs up to him and stands just close enough to not make him feel like he’s trapped. She places a hand his shoulder and squeezes lightly, making him lift his head just enough to let him peer at her face.

  
She’s worried.

  
Hyouga can tell without a doubt that she is.

  
“Do you need something, Yukimura-kun?”

  
There’s no ‘are you okay?’ question and Hyouga is glad. He would break down for sure on that one.

  
“I—“ he trails off, voice strained, “No.”

  
Kou still looks at him concerned. Hyouga doesn’t know how to tell her that there’s nothing that could help him, nothing to make him feel better. He considers, briefly, asking for a hug, for any kind of physical reassurance that it’s going to be okay. But he quickly dismisses it, thinking it stupid and childish.

  
“Should I tell Coach you’re not feeling well?” she asks, instead of pushing at him.

  
Hyouga starts to protest, but he can feel himself breaking at the edges, the uncontrollable want to sit down and just cry it out stronger than ever and he gives a jerky nod. She gives his shoulder a last squeeze, before she hurries away to tell them. Hyouga knows he should probably move, they’d all think he went to the nurse.

  
In that one moment, however, he can’t.

  
He doesn’t know why.

  
He doesn’t know how long he’s standing, but he knows that one moment Kou is gone and another, Atsuya-san stands beside him. Hyouga fights to stop his tears and avoids his eyes. He knows he can’t handle it this time. He wishes Shirou-san was there instead.

  
Atsuya-san, however, doesn’t tease him. He doesn’t try to touch him either.

  
“Are you feeling sick?” he asks. 

  
Hyouga grits his teeth and shakes his head.

  
“What do you need?”

  
Another shake of his head. He doesn’t know. This time, he looks desperately at him, his eyes flicking to where the rest of the team is standing and Atsuya-san nods in understanding. It’s the first time that Hyouga sees him that serious.

  
“Alright, you little rascal, come on,” he pushes at his back, “We’re going for a little walk, that okay?”

  
Hyouga doesn’t answer, just follows him as they walk up the stairs and around the field. Hyouga wants to ask where they’re going, but soon, he finds that he doesn’t care. They’re passing by the gym when the suffocating feeling in his chest worsens and Hyouga’s breath hitches in panic. Atsuya-san’s eyes glance at him immediately.

  
“Rascal?”

  
Hyouga hears him, of course, but he can’t answer properly. Stuttered words escape his mouth, and the only thing Atsuya-san understood was probably ‘I can’t breathe’.

  
“Alright, alright,” Atsuya-san turns him around and walks him backwards until his back hits the wall and slowly, Atsuya-san makes him sit down against it, “Don’t hunch your shoulder, Yukimura. Come on, straighten up. You’re not a kid.”

  
Hyouga’s panicked eyes shoot to him.

  
Atsuya-san rolls his eyes, “It’s okay, you’re not dying,” when Hyouga’s breath starts to pick up again and his gaze shifts away from the man, Atsuya-san tsks at him, “Eyes on me, Yukimura. We’re going to do some breathing exercises, alright? Match me.”

  
Hyouga tries to. It’s not working the way it should, probably. But it’s enough to make Hyouga somehow realize, that he can breathe. There’s nothing wrong with his lungs. But his mind is still racing and his heart beats probably a little too fast.

  
“C-coach?”

  
Atsuya-san sits down next to him, “I texted Aniki, so he will be here in a second. He just needs to send the brats home,” he leans his head against the wall, “You doing better, rascal?”

  
Hyouga doesn’t, not really. He nods anyways.

  
“You know what that was?” Atsuya-san asks.

 

“A panic attack.”

  
“Yeah, those are nasty,” he sighs, “Man. I remember back when I was younger. They were so bad I had to do therapy just to learn how to get through the day.”

  
Hyouga forgets his mother’s words for a moment and stares at him with surprised look on his face. Atsuya-san smiles grimly, “Ten years ago, my parents died in an avalanche. I was in the car with Aniki when it happened, but we survived.” He explains, looking at Hyouga, “Our minds like to play tricks with us, huh? Aniki still gets them from time to time.”

  
“And you, Coach?”

  
Atsuya-san shrugs, “Once in a while something sets me off.”

 

Hyouga nods, understanding. He bends his knees and wraps his arms around them.

  
“I don’t like them,” Hyouga admits.

  
Atsuya-san snorts, “Yeah. No one does, Chibi.”

  
Hyouga wonders why Atsuya-san told him that, but he decides to file it away and think it through another time. Atsuya-san is a weird guy as it is, aggressive and intimidating. At practice, his teammates like to gape at him in awe while they watch him perform Eternal Blizzard, but outside of it, they’re too scared to come up and talk with him. They’d rather talk with Coach Shirou.

  
Hyouga’s not too shocked. Atsuya-san does seem like a threatening guy with his competitive aura and teasing comments.

  
It seems, however, that there’s more than meets the eye with him.

  
“Atsuya-san,” he decides to ask, “what would you do, if someone tried to take soccer away from you?”

  
“Easy. I’d punch them.”

  
Hyouga stares at him for a long time. Atsuya-san stares back, “What?”

  
Hyouga shakes his head.

  
He no longer wonders why his team goes for advice to Shirou-san instead.

* * *

  
“Miyuki-san, Atsuya-san took my tea,” Hyouga complains later that day.

  
Atsuya-san sticks his tongue at him, “Respect your elders, you rascal.”

  
Miyuki-san sighs, Shirou-san looks at them, exasperated.

  
Nothing really changes.

  
Except, everything does.

* * *

  
In the end, they don’t win and don’t advance further in Holy Road.

  
Hyouga’s mom can’t even keep herself from saying ‘I told you so’ when he tells her that day after.

  
“We tried our best,” Hyouga defends and tries to keep his tone neutral. If he fails, he thankfully doesn’t get called out on it.

  
“I told you you’d do better in art,” she insists.

  
“I don’t want to.”

  
She narrows her eyes, “You will, anyways.”

  
Hyouga from way before he started listening to Atsuya-san’s words of advice would agree and keep quiet. However, Hyouga from after he started to get along with Atsuya-san, would not. And that’s exactly why Hyouga finds a split second of courage in his heart and says in a clear and firm voice, “No.”

  
Hyouga isn’t even surprised when she slaps his face.

  
“You’re a disgrace, Hyouga,” she says.

  
Hyouga doesn’t bother looking her in the face, “When was I not a disappointment to you, Mom?” he asks whispering, voice cracking at the end despite the fire and anger burning behind the pain at her reaction.

  
She doesn’t dignify that with a reply. Instead, she walks away, walks into her room and slams the door behind her.

  
Hyouga doesn’t waste any second and gets out of the house.

* * *

  
Miyuki-san doesn’t ask any questions when she sees him at her doorstep. Her face is unreadable and Hyouga wishes he knew her long enough to pick up on her body language and figure out if she’s mad at him for showing up so suddenly.

  
But she doesn’t tell him to go away, instead, she gets him inside, shutting the door behind them with a soft thud. Hyouga flinches anyways.

  
“Atsuya and Shirou are here, too,” she informs him, her voice still not gentle, but a little softer than usual, “We’re watching a movie. Do you want to join us?”

  
Hyouga snaps his head to stare at her, “A movie?”

 

“Coco. A Disney one,” she says and looks at the light coming out the living room, “We just stared, so if you want to, you can.”

  
Hyouga knows he shouldn’t. It’s like he’s running away from his problems instead of confronting them head on. His mother is probably thinking what a coward Hyouga is and it’s very possible that Hyouga will have to say goodbye to soccer tomorrow.

  
And yet, Miyuki-san serves as a source of comfort for Hyouga. She’s by no means gentle or motherly, but she’s there. And it’s, somehow, enough to make Hyouga nod and agree.

  
Miyuki-san’s smile widens and she gestures with a hand toward the room. Hyouga walks in, hesitating only for a second in the threshold, before he takes a deep breath and quickly crosses the room to sit down next to Shirou-san on the sofa.

  
Atsuya who’s sitting on the ground, leaning backwards on the sofa, looks up and freezes for a second.

  
“Yukimura-kun is joining us today!” Miyuki-san calls out from the kitchen, the noise telling Hyouga that she’s taking out an extra mug for him, “So shut your mouth, Atsuya!”

  
“I didn’t even say anything!” Atsuya-san shoots back, offended.

  
“You were about to!”

  
“Tch,” Atsuya-san narrows his eyes in the direction of the kitchen, before he suspiciously looks at Hyouga trying to make himself smaller on the sofa, “Isn’t it like, past your bedtime, Chibi?”

  
Hyouga swallows, “I could ask the same, Atsuya-san,” he answers quietly.

  
He knows it’s a deflection on his part. Shirou-san sitting next to him, looking at him like he tries to figure him out, knows it too. Hyouga’s not really a good liar to begin with. It’s not like they can’t see the red mark on his face either.

  
The three of them, however, have the decency to not ask. Hyouga doesn’t know if that makes him feel better or worse.

  
“Uh,” he starts, looking up at Shirou-san and clearing his throat awkwardly when the man gives him his full attention, “What is Coco about?”

  
Atsuya-san blinks, “Don’t tell me you didn’t watch Coco.”

  
“I didn’t?” Hyouga answers, confused.

 

“What about Lion King? Or Moana? Or—“

  
“I watched Lion King,” Hyouga cuts in, “Once. But that’s all.”

  
Atsuya-san looks insulted. Shirou-san laughs at him, “Atsuya, don’t look so horrified.”

  
“But Aniki! It’s blasphemy! We have to fix that!”

  
Atsuya-san continues bickering with Shirou-san and they seem to not notice the way Hyouga’s eyes widened at that. At the fact that there’s going to be a next time. It means, subtly, that Hyouga could still come here even if he won’t be able to play soccer.

  
He smiles shyly.

  
“—We’re doing a marathon. This weekend. Aniki, I feel like this is my duty as his coach to fix his mistakes.”

  
“You’re not his coach off the field, Atsuya,” Shirou-san reminds him.

  
Atsuya throws his hands up in the air, “Fine! As his senior, then!”

  
Hyouga blinks, then slowly tries it out, “Atsuya…-senpai.”

  
Atsuya-san turns to him, “Did you just—?”

  
Shirou-san looks at Hyouga seriously. In that moment, Miyuki-san walks in with a cup of warm tea in her one hand. Hyouga takes it from her and relaxes slightly when she sits down in front of him on the ground.

  
“Did you just call him ‘Atsuya-senpai’, Yukimura-kun?” Miyuki-san asks, switching on her DVD player with the remote, “Because I have to say, it sounds way better that ‘Coach Atsuya’. No offense to you, Atsuya.”

  
Atsuya-san waves his hand with a wide grin, “I’m the best senpai in the world!”

 

Hyouga deadpans, “No, you’re not.”

  
Atsuya-san’s expression twists, “You’re so mean, Yukimura. So mean to your senpai. I swear, this is a betrayal. Right, Aniki? A true betrayal.”

  
Shirou-san rolls his eyes, exasperated, “Sure is, Atsuya.”

  
Hyouga sips his tea quietly, “It would be nice,” he admits to himself.

  
The sting of the slap on his face burns and Hyouga rubs his hand on it. Seeing his clouded expression, Shirou-san sends him a questioning look.

  
“What would?”

  
As Coco starts to play on the TV, Hyouga tightens his fingers on the handle of the cup and whispers, “Having someone who would care enough to make me watch Disney movies.”

  
He doesn’t see the way Shirou-san’s smile fades away and his eyes darken, not fully understanding.

  
For now, Hyouga tries to focus on the movie.

  
He doesn’t want to think about his mother cutting back his TV access and replacing it with art classes, anymore.

* * *

  
True to her word, his mother doesn’t give up and still tries to convince him to change clubs. Hyouga doesn’t give in. Not even when her insistence makes him lose sleep. Losing sleep would not be so terrible either, if not for the fact that because of it, Hyouga falls asleep in class and keeps missing notes. Kou tires to help him, sees him barely keeping himself conscious, but in the end, it only makes Hyouga feel worse.

  
He doesn’t want to worry others.

  
He knows he could just accept it as it is, change clubs and take up art. But art makes Hyouga physically sick, makes him miserable. Something that once brought Hyouga comfort now instead made him feel sad. And Hyouga is just so tired of having things he loves taken away or made into something horrible.

  
So he bears with it.

  
It’s only when he starts slipping at practice too, that he realizes he can’t keep doing this. Not if it’s going to affect his soccer.

  
Shirou-san seems to be the only one willing to notice that and when Hyouga stays behind when everyone else goes to change, he pats a seat on the bench, prompting him to sit down. Hyouga does so without hesitance.

  
“Talking about what’s bothering you can help, you know, Yukimura?”

  
Hyouga’s throat tightens, “Yeah.”

  
Shirou-san waits a second, before he continues, “And you’re not alone. We have your back, remember? You can’t bear all this yourself.”

  
Hyouga wants so desperately to stop fighting for once. The need to stop and not need to look back at his parents to see whether they approve or not of his actions is bigger than ever, pressing down on Hyouga’s chest. There are days when Hyouga can’t breathe, his father’s need for perfection suffocating him and rendering him unable to keep himself above water.

  
The desire to stop and let someone help him was never so tempting as it is now.

  
“Shirou-san,” he starts, voice shaky,” I really love soccer.”

  
The man pauses, looking at him, “I know.”

  
Hyouga digs his fingers into the bench and chokes out, “I don’t want to quit.”

  
“Yukimura…”

  
A wet chuckle escapes Hyouga and he wipes angrily at his eyes, “I don’t want to quit, I love playing with everyone. And I can’t—”

  
He wraps his arms around himself, “I can’t lose it again.”

  
There’s a beat of silence as Hyouga shakes and tries to hold back his sobs. His nails dig into the material of his uniform, almost piercing through it. It’s not enough to make him feel pain just yet, but Shirou-san still looks pained at that.

  
“No one can take it away from you, Yukimura.”

  
Hyouga shakes his head, “They can.”

  
“Who?”

  
A shadow passes on Hyouga’s face as he curls up on himself, “I can’t tell you, Shirou-san.”

  
And that’s that. There’s nothing else Hyouga can tell him without sounding as if he had a really bad home situation. Hyouga knows it could be worse – at least he gets food and clothes when his old ones have holes in them, and he sleeps in warm bed each night.

  
And if his parents don’t really love him enough to accept who Hyouga is, if they don’t really care about what he wants because they push their ambitions on him, well who is Hyouga to complain about that?

  
But somehow, Hyouga looks back at Atsuya-senpai – yes, Hyouga dropped the ‘san’ outside the school – and Shirou-san having fun with Miyuki-san over tea and Hyouga knows his parents could do that to. That their excuse of being busy wouldn’t stop them if they really wanted to be a part of Hyouga’s life.

  
Maybe that fact is what pushes Hyouga to say one more thing, “I can’t tell you,” he repeats, “because even if I did, there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”

  
He isn’t looking at Shirou-san. He can’t handle the look of disappointment and resignation on his Coach’s face because it would remind him too much of his own reflection in the mirror. That’s why Hyouga mostly avoids talking about his home – it’s not normal, but it’s not as bad as to have enough proof to do anything about it.

  
“Oi, oi, so you’re allowed to have a pity-party?” a voice speaks up from behind them and Hyouga nearly gives himself a whiplash tuning around, “Because I gotta say – as long as you keep quiet, then yeah, you’re right. But you can’t write us off as useless when you didn’t even tell us what’s the problem.”

  
Hyouga narrows his eyes, “I’m not having a pity-party.”

  
Atsuya-senpai puts his hands in his pockets and smirks, “It sure looks like one.”

  
Seeing Hyouga gritting his teeth, ready to bolt and get out of the gym, Shirou cuts in, “Atsuya is right, Yukimura. Even if we can’t do anything about it, don’t you think it’s worth telling someone?”

  
“What for?” Hyouga almost snaps, muscles tensing in blind anger at something that’s so obviously out of control of all of them

  
Shirou-san smiles sadly, “Just because we can’t do anything about it, doesn’t mean we can’t help and make it less bad.”

  
All protests that Hyouga had at the tip of his tongue get stuck in his throat and he blinks, opens his mouth a couple times and in the end, he closes it and frowns as if he was just told the solution to world hunger and it was super simple.

  
“Oh.”  
Atsuya-senpai raises an eyebrow, “Yeah. ‘Oh’.”

  
“Atsuya,” Shirou-san reprimands.

  
The orange-haired man puts his hands up in defeat, “Alright, I get it. Oi, Chibi, remember what I told you at practice last time?”

  
Hyouga’s bran is still not working properly, so he only mumbles a, “What?”

  
“About panic attacks.”

  
Hyouga’s mind catches up with him, “Oh. That. I remember.”

  
“And I told you we both wet to therapy for that, didn’t I?”

  
“…I don’t need therapy, though.”

  
“You’re totally missing the point, Yukimura,” Atsuya-senpai sighs, inpatient, “I’m just saying, and it may sounds strange coming from me—“

  
“Oh, yes. It will.”

  
“—shut up, Aniki.” Atsuya-senpai glares at Shirou-san who only shrugs in response, “It didn’t fix the whole situation, but it helped us cope somehow. So there’s no shame asking for help, y’know.”

  
Hyouga deadpans at him, “Aren’t you the only one who refused to work with the team back in the day, Senpai?”

  
Atsuya-senpai rolls his eyes, “That was before. I learned.”

  
Shirou-san leans forward, “No, you didn’t!”

  
“Aniki!”

  
Hyouga actually snorts at that, a little smile on his face. Then, he remembers the reason Atsuya-senpai told him that and he sobers, “Oh. But I don’t think there’s a therapy for that.”

  
Atsuya-senpai raises an eyebrow at him, “That was just an example,” he points out.

  
Hyouga shakes his head, face grim, “It’s, it’s probably for the best, too.”

  
“Oi, oi, oi—“ Atsuya-senpai starts, only to be cut off by his brother.

  
“Yukimura, no. Hyouga-kun,” Hyouga snaps his eyes up at Shirou-san in surprise, “I understand it’s hard to say it out loud. Whatever is bothering you must really upset you if that’s the case,” Hyouga stubbornly sets his lips into a thin line, not giving anything away, “But even if you don’t tell us, we’re still going to try and support you.”

  
“Right!” Atsuya-senpai gives him a grin, pumping his fist in the air, “You’re not getting rid of us that easily, Chibi.”

  
That sounds ominous, Hyouga thinks, but nods slowly, “I can see that,” he comments dryly.

  
Atsuya-senpai laughs. Shirou-san on the other hand, looks like he still wants to say something. Hyouga barely keeps himself from asking, before he realizes that he, too, would like to add something.

  
“Thank you,” he says, uncertain at first how to word it, before he continues in a slightly louder and more confident voice, “I’ve never had anyone do something like that for me.”

  
_I’ve never had an adult care so much before_ , is what Hyouga would like to say, but knows he shouldn’t. Not right now. Maybe not ever.

  
Atsuya-senpai and Shirou-san exchange knowing looks, before they both glance back at him and smile.

  
Somehow, it seems to make a crack in Hyouga’s mental wall bigger. He wonders what that means.

* * *

  
Truth to be told, nothing changes. They both act the same with him, and if they pay attention to his plays and his words a little more than before, Hyouga doesn’t comment on it. In a way, it makes him feel better. He forgot how it felt to be acknowledged by people who care about him.

  
Kou notices something is different, too.

  
“You seem a little more at ease, Yukimura-kun,” she comments at practice one day, handing him the bottle of water.

  
Hyouga gulps down a huge sip, “Really?”

  
Kou studies him for a minute, before she smiles, “Like something changed in you.”

  
Hyouga doesn’t know what that means. He simply lets her words hang in the air as the break ends and they play again. Kou still watches him silently from the bench, but now, it’s less urgent. Like she’s not worried about him anymore.

  
He himself hasn’t noticed anything off. He sits straighter, and his moves slowly stop being so sluggish, but other than that, Hyouga looks and feels just the same.

  
He doesn’t think of her words more than he has to until he comes back home after school and his mother sits by the table, pen in her hand and her bangs pulled back with a blue bobby pin. In the yellow light of the kitchen lamp, his mother looks almost normal.

  
Hyouga hesitantly comes inside, “I’m home,” he announces in a whisper

  
The air is cold around them, but as Hyouga checks the widows, he realizes they’re all closed. It’s only him and his mom now.

  
“You’re late,” she speaks up and her voice seems to echo in the silent house.

  
“Practice ran late,” he explains, but his hands shake anyways, as if he was caught red-handed in a lie. Hyouga forces them to lay still as he opens the fridge, “Coach had us run extra laps.”

  
She nods, but her eyes. Oh. Her eyes are just wrong.

  
Hyouga remembers they’re not always like that. Sometimes, they’re warm and filled with love and on an occasion, Hyouga can recall times when pride had shined in them, before Hyouga took up soccer seriously.

  
Now, her eyes are dull. Unfeeling. Lately, even angry and empty at the same time.

  
It scares him.

  
“Hyouga,” she starts as Hyouga takes out a small box of apple juice, “I think it’s time you stop playing soccer.”

  
His heart stutters.

  
“Mom?”

  
She clicks her pen and looks at him, “Your father and I talked it through and we decided that the best for you now would be joining the art club and taking up the art classes again.”

  
Hyouga doesn’t turn around to face her, “Oh.”

  
She clicks her pen again and again and it makes Hyouga flinch, “Sooner or later, you would quit it anyways. Just like you did with violin.”

  
That’s not true, Hyouga thinks, you made me quit violin.

  
Truthfully, Hyouga loves playing. Both on the court and on the instrument. He loves a lot of things, actually. He remembers now, that he never quit any of that, that lots of things were just taken away from him for the sake of art.

  
Oh.

  
Oh, maybe that’s what Kou saw.

  
“I don’t want that,” he finds himself saying, his mother pausing in her clicking, “I will continue to play soccer, even if you don’t accept it.”

  
“Hyouga—“ she starts to say, displeased grimace on her face.

  
“I love soccer,” he interrupts, finally turning around to look at her, “I won’t quit.”

  
Then, after a beat of silence, “I won’t let you take it away, too.”

  
His mother raises her hand and goes to stand. Hyouga knows what she wants to do and the second she swings her hand, Hyouga dodges with an alarming calmness. His mother halts, eyes widening and not believing.

  
Hyouga smiles – it’s bitter and sad, “I won’t let you,” he repeats and the words seem to carry on something more than just a refusal to accept her will.

  
His mother can’t speak, she just stands there in the middle of the kitchen and stares at him, stunned. Hyouga sees for the first time that his mother isn’t as strong as he thought – she’s skinny and delicate, while Hyouga is fit. She has no power over him.

  
Somehow, realizing that makes Hyouga feel better.

  
He grips his box of juice and slowly, but surely, walks around her and in the direction of his room, “Goodnight, Mom,” he says over his shoulder at her still form.  
As soon as he gets inside of his room, Hyouga takes a deep breath and sits down on his bed.

  
His heart doesn’t stop racing that night.

* * *

  
Hyouga wakes up at six o’clock with a big headache and puffy eyes. He gets dressed quickly, takes his bad and slowly makes his way downstairs, avoiding making too much noise. Winter is coming, so Hyouga takes his scarf as he goes through the hall and stops when he sees someone by the door.

  
His mother lifts her eyes from her phone, “You’re up early, Hyouga,” she says, not really surprised to see him.

  
Hyouga nods, “Couldn’t sleep.”

  
She stares at him for a minute, before she takes her coat and puts it on, “Your father and I are going on a business trip,” she informs him, voice devoid of any emotion that would let Hyouga know what she’s really thinking, “For a week. I left you money for food on the counter.”

 

Hyouga’s eyes go over the suitcase by her side and he feels numb as he takes a deep breath and says, “You weren’t going to tell me, were you?”

  
His mother doesn’t pause as she puts on her heels, “We left you a note.”

  
Hyouga didn’t think his heart could hurt so much, and yet, as he swallows down, it seems to send pangs through his body, “As a goodbye.”

  
His mother doesn’t even glance at him when she takes her suitcase and corrects her hair, “Yes.”

  
Hyouga feels stupid standing in hallway and talking with his mother as if she was some kind of stranger. It’s like between them is a big wall and Hyouga can’t even place his hands on it. It hurts in ways Hyouga didn’t know was possible.

  
As she gets closer to the door, Hyouga looks up.

  
It feels like he can’t breathe.

  
“Goodbye, Mom,” he gets out, choked up.

  
This time, she does pause, with her hand on the knob, “Goodbye, Hyouga.”

  
The door closes.

  
Hyouga stands there for a minute, frozen and trapped in his thoughts, before he grips his bag tighter and lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

  
It’s half past six when Hyouga gets out of the house himself.

* * *

  
Hyouga can’t bring himself to even look at the soccer ball. Kou notices right away.

  
“Did something happen, Yukimura-kun?” she asks and Hyouga opens his mouth to say, but instead, he closes it and shakes his head.

  
He feels guilty.

  
He knows he didn’t do anything bad, that standing up for himself is a good thing and not bad. But every time, his thoughts go back to his mother’s face and her shock at Hyouga refusing to obey her. He wonder if he made the right choice. If maybe he made all that up and his parents really only wanted the best for him.

  
Immediately, he also thinks of Coach Atsuya and Shirou. And that they never treated him like his parents did. He remembers Miyuki-san and her warm tea and movie nights and how despite her knowing nothing of music, she listened to him ramble about violin.

  
If his parents loved him as much as they said, wouldn’t they do the same?

  
“I think I will sit this one out,” he announces suddenly.

  
Kou blinks, “You’re not going to practice?”

  
Hyouga shakes his head, picks up his bag and looks at her, “Could you tell Coach I didn’t feel well?”

  
“Um, yeah. Sure, but are you alright?”

  
“I’m fine, just—“

  
“Tell us what?” Atsuya-senpai pops out from behind them and Hyouga nearly recoils, “Sorry, rascals. Heard you talking about skipping practice, though, which is unforgivable.”

  
Hyouga sighs, “Right.”

  
Kou narrows her eyes at him, but doesn’t comment on it and bravely levels Atsuya-senpai with a glare on her own, “Don’t scare us like that, Coach,” she reprimands.

  
As Atsuya-senpai opens his mouth to say something, Shirou-san appears next to him and raises an eyebrow, “Yes, Atsuya. Don’t scare them with your face.”

  
“Aniki! My face is awesome!”

  
“Anyways,” Shirou-san looks back to Hyouga nervously playing with his bag’s strap, “Skipping practice?” Hyouga starts to speak, “And don’t lie, Yukimura.”

  
“I’m not lying.”

  
Atsuya-senpai crosses his arms, “Yes, you are. You wouldn’t miss practice even if you were sick.”

  
Kou glances at Hyouga and seems to be fighting with herself. In the end, she weaves her hands together and coughs, “It’s not my place to tell, but,” she bites her lip, and in an instant, Hyouga knows what she wants to do, “Yukimura-kun’s parents—“

  
“Hey, Kou, did you cut your hair?” he blurts out and smiles when she startles, “Because I think it looks better on you.”

  
“I did, but—“

  
“I also heard Minami-senpai call for you,” he continues in a tight voice, “She’s in the briefing room. Something about festival.”

  
“But—“

  
Hyouga’s eyes turn colder, “You wouldn’t want to make her wait, would you?”

  
Kou hesitates, taken aback by his tone of voice, before she gives in, “Yes. You’re right, I will just,” she takes a step back awkwardly, “go check on her.”

 

Hyouga watches her go silently, before he turns to Atsuya-senpai, “I feel sick,” he says and watches as the man narrows his eyes, “I’m going to the nurse.”

  
He manages two steps before Shirou-san stops him, “Yukimura.”

  
Hyouga’s hands are shaking as he breathes out a, “Yes, Coach?”

  
Shirou-san doesn’t hesitate this time, “Sit on the bench.”

  
“I feel si—“

 

“No, you don’t.” Atsuya-senpai cuts in, “You will be watching from the bench even if you don’t want to play.”

  
Hyouga feels something snap in him, “You don’t get to order me around like some object!”

  
A stunned silence follows his words as Hyouga realizes that somehow, he’s still angry. Even knowing that it’s not Atsuya-senpai’s fault, even though it’s not even Shirou-san’s fault that Hyouga has found himself in a situation like this. He tried to stifle it and bottle it up, like he always does. Hyouga shouldn’t get angry like this.

  
But he is.

  
At his mother, for taking away his violin, for shouting at him, for slapping him; at his father, for taking his art and making it miserable, for never saying that Hyouga is good enough, always scolding him, always making Hyouga feel worse than the rest.

  
At Fifth Sector, for taking away his soccer.

  
At Kuroki Zenzou for making kids like Hyouga join and become SEEDs.

  
He’s even angry at Kou for noticing when Hyouga just wanted space to calm down and pointing it out.

  
“You’re not an object, Yukimura,” Shirou-san says and it’s clear that he doesn’t quite understand why Hyouga reacted this way.

  
“I know this,” he hisses.

  
Atsuya-senpai tilts his head, “But someone obviously doesn’t.”

  
Hyouga breathes heavily, as if he ran a marathon and doesn’t dare to turn around when he feels tears in the corners of his eyes.

  
He sees his teammates walking into the gym and feels panic gripping at his chest. He can’t let them see him, not like this when Hyouga is so weak and pathetic, and angry even though he has no reason to be and, and—

  
He snaps out of it when a hand lands on his shoulder and he flinches so hard he trips and falls down. His heart races like it never had and Hyouga stares, wide-eyed and panicked at Atsuya-senpai with his hand outstretched to him.

  
“Yukimura?” he questions, and Hyouga hates how he seems to be worried because Atsuya-senpai is not supposed to have that look on his face.

  
_‘Don’t get in a way’._

  
_Hyouga doesn’t—_

  
He can’t—

  
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I’m sorry—“

  
“I’m gonna hit you if you apologize one more time, Yukimura.”

  
“Atsuya!”

  
With the attention off of him, Hyouga shakes his head and breathes out. His team is nowhere in sight, so Hyouga repeats it enough times to not feel like he’s on the edge and ready to jump. All the while, Atsuya-senpai and Shirou-san don’t say a thing.

  
After what feels like forever, Hyouga feels himself relax a little.

  
“All good?” Shirou-san asks and as Hyouga jerks at his sound, Shirou-san walks up closer and gives him a bottle of water, “Here. Have a sip.”

  
“Is that my water?” Atsuya-senpai asks suddenly, eying the etiquette, before he gasps, “It is!”

  
“Atsuya, hush!”

  
“But Aniki! It’s my water!”

  
“You sound like a child, Atsuya-senpai,” Hyouga croaks out.

  
The man huffs, “No, I don’t.”

 

Hyouga looks down, then takes a sip of the offered water.

  
“You’re okay with staying here, Yukimura?” Shirou-san asks after a minute. Hyouga pauses as he recaps the bottle and shakes his head, apologetic, “Then—?”

  
“I’m going home,” Hyouga finally admits, then remembers that his parents are gone and adds in, “Or maybe I will see if Miyuki-san is at home. In that case, I would be there.”

  
Shirou-san nods, but Atsuya-senpai still glares at him, “I don’t trust him to walk home in that condition, Aniki.”

  
Hyouga stands up, limbs still a little shaky, “It’s fine, Senpai.”

  
“Not it’s not.”

  
“Atsuya, he’s not five,” Shirou-san frowns, “Although, I see what you mean.”

  
Atsuya-senpai throws him a triumphal look, “See?”

  
“I’m fine,” Hyouga insists, embarrassed blush on his face, “I can walk home.”

  
“Oh, no. It’s no problem,” Shirou-san thinks for a moment, then turns to Atsuya-senpai, “Can you walk him there?”

  
“Eh?! Me?”

  
“You’re the one who has complaints, Atsuya,” Shirou-san points out, “We can’t both leave. There’s still practice.”

  
“Then let’s cancel it,” Atsuya-senpai suggests, shrugging, “The brats are annoying me today, anyways.

”  
“Atsuya!”

  
Atsuya-senpai shrugs, “Fine, fine. I can walk him. Just this time,” he takes Hyouga’s bag when he makes a move to take it, “But you’re sharing your ice-cream with me for that, Aniki.”

  
Shirou-san waves them off, “Maybe.”

  
“Not maybe, for sure!” Atsuya-senpai calls out, already moving in the direction of the exit, Hyouga following him silently, “Tch. Damn him.” He glances at Hyouga, “Don’t think I will forget that.”

  
Hyouga deadpans at him, “Should I sell you my soul as a repayment for your kindness?”

  
Atsuya-senpai purses his lips, “I can tell you’re being sarcastic, Chibi. Please stop.”

  
Hyouga snorts at that, then remember his bag, “I can take it,” Atsuya-senpai raises an eyebrow, “The bag. I can take it.”

  
“Uh huh, nope.”

  
Hyouga sighs, irritated, “Why not?”

  
“Don’t think I didn’t notice you being half-dead before you panicked, Yukimura,” Atsuya-senpai’s sharp eyes cut through his bullshit right away, “I’m not making you carry it. It’s light anyways.”

  
“If it’s light, why can’t I take it?”

  
“Because your senpai tells you so. Now shut up.”

  
Hyouga accepts his defeat with reluctance and pouts.

* * *

  
Hyouga’s house is as quiet as it was the moment he left for school and even though he’s used to it by now, it still makes something ache inside of him. The fact that now, the walls seem to trap him and make him uncomfortable adds to already existing anxiety underneath Hyouga’s skin.

  
Atsuya-senpai looks uneasy as well, “Where are your parents, Yukimura?”

  
The uncharacteristically quiet voice of his coach makes Hyouga pause in the hallway as he takes off his shoes and puts on slippers, “On a business trip.”

  
Saying it out-loud makes Hyouga somehow sadder. It doesn’t escape Atsuya-senpai’s attention, “For how long?”

  
Hyouga stands there and doesn’t know how to act, because Atsuya-senpai isn’t supposed to be so calm and composed like Shirou-san. He’s supposed to be impulsive and reckless and certainly not as attentive as he is now. Hyouga doesn’t know how to adjust to that just yet.

  
“A week or two,” he answers.

  
Atsuya-senpai’s eyes widen a little and a snarl finds hit way onto his face, “They’re leaving you for two weeks?”

  
It’s not uncommon, though, Hyouga thinks, for parents to leave their kids for such long period of time. Hyouga’s not a kid anymore, not really. He’s got money for food, and he can call them anytime, it’s not like they just got up and left.

 

Except, that’s what would happen if Hyouga would have gotten up later.

  
He ignores that fact and shrugs, “It’s something important to them,” he says but finds that he doesn’t actually believe it himself, “So it’s fine.”

  
Atsuya-senpai purses his lips together, “I see.”

  
Hyouga expects awkward silence, but it doesn’t set in. Honestly, if Hyouga thinks about it more, the fact that the house is not entirely empty makes Hyouga feel a bit better. Although, the white walls are still unsettling to him.

  
He brings his hand to his neck and scratches, “Are you staying, Senpai?”

  
Atsuya-senpai raises an eyebrow, “Did you think I’m gonna leave?” Hyouga shrugs – it’s not like watching over Hyouga is part of his job outside of the field, “No. I’m staying until Aniki comes back. Oh, actually. Do you have coffee?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Good. You can make me some, since I have to stay here,” Atsuya-senpai thinks for a moment, then winces, “But I’d rather if we went somewhere where the walls aren’t so ugly.”

  
Hyouga has to agree. They’re too clean, it’s as if no one actually lived there. He goes to the kitchen and brings out two mugs, “What kind of coffee do you want, Senpai?”

  
“Whatever you have is fine,” the man answers as Hyouga pours the water into the mug, “So, you going to tell me what happened so I can stop being so nice?”

  
Hyouga pauses as he prepares his coffee, then his tea, “You don’t have to be nice to me, Senpai.”

  
Atsuya-senpai hums to himself, “If I don’t, Aniki will skin me alive,” he tilts his head, “That, and you still look like you’re about to cry, and I honestly can’t deal with crying brats all day. It’s exhausting.”

  
Hyouga gives him a mug and thinks for a moment.

  
Fubuki Atsuya is not the type of person to offer emotional support, if anything, he seems to be against it. As if it made him too vulnerable, too open for attacks. Hyouga can actually relate to that – talking things out with others is one of the hardest things when like Hyouga, you learn to deal with your problems alone. However, even when Atsuya-senpai looks like he does – with insensitive behavior and tendency to react and blow things out of proportion – Hyouga can’t help but feel honored that the man goes out of his way to help him.

  
Even if he has no reason to do so, Hyouga feels like he owns him.

  
“Senpai,” he starts as Atsuya-senpai looks up, “Can I show you something?”

* * *

  
Hyouga’s room isn’t even that messy, but he still feels his cheeks redden when he notices couple of stray papers laying across the floor. Atsuya-senpai leans on the door frame as he sips his coffee, but he doesn’t seem to care about that, so Hyouga quickly gets inside and opens the desk drawer.

  
He takes out a thick stack of pages and sits down on the floor. He invites Atsuya-senpai to do the same.

  
At the same time, the door bell rings. Hyouga blinks. Atsuya-senpai lets out a soft, “Ah.”

  
Hyouga shoots him a questioning look, the man only shrugs, “I texted Aniki where we are. It’s probably him.

  
And it is. Hyouga feels himself relax even more when the other man comes into the room and blinks at the mess. He seems to wake up when Atsuya-senpai gives him a nudge to the ribs. Shirou-san and Atsuya-senpai sit down and in that one moment, Hyouga feels like he just decided on something that’s really important.

  
He takes a deep breath.

  
Then, he pushes the papers in their direction, “My father is a designer,” he says as an explanation and he’s grateful that his voice doesn’t shake, “My mother is an artist.”

  
Atsuya-senpai is looking through his drawings when Shirou-san frowns and looks up, “They’re really good, Yukimura.”

  
Hyouga stares at them, eyes empty and prepares himself for what he’s never allowed himself to admit out-loud in front of other people, “I hate art.”

  
The mental wall in his mind cracks a little more again.

  
Atsuya-senpai blinks, “But you’re good.”

  
Hyouga nods, “But I hate it.”

  
They don’t look like they understand. Hyouga gets it and doesn’t blame them for that. He wonders, briefly, what would happen if he told them more about his parents. Would they still not get it or would that explain it more? Hyouga doesn’t want to find out today, so he takes the second best drawing and smiles at it, broken and wrong.

  
“My parents want me to become an artist,” he continues, “Because I’m good at it and wouldn’t have to try too hard to succeed in that field.”

  
Atsuya-senpai pauses at one drawing. Hyouga grips his own paper and creates wrinkles in it, “They took it all away.”

  
More cracks in the wall.

  
“Took away, what?” Shirou-san asks quietly.

  
Hyouga lets the paper he was holding fall on the ground as he whispers, “Everything.”

  
_My violin._

  
_My knitting._

  
_My creativity. My joy of playing soccer._

  
His bottom lip trembles, “Because art is more important,” he pushes on and wipes at his eyes, sniffling, “Because—because that’s the only thing I’m good for.”

  
“Yukimura—“

  
“They hate soccer, too,” he adds with a wet laugh as he looks at the drawings, and he doesn’t dare to look at Atsuya-senpai or Shirou-san, knowing they both look the same now, pitying and sad for Hyouga’s sake, “They told me to quit.”

  
‘What would you do, if someone tried to take soccer away from you?’ Hyouga had asked Atsuya-senpai that day. Hyouga can see the man connect the pieces as he looks at him properly.

  
“And I told them no. I don’t want to,” he hunches his shoulders, “And now, they left for their business trip. I don’t think they want to look at me anymore than they have to.”

  
“What a bunch of assholes,” Atsuya-senpai says suddenly, angry.

  
Hyouga widens his eyes, before he cracks a weak smile, “Yeah, I guess.”

  
Shirou-san looks at the papers on the ground and frowns, “If you don’t like art, why are you keeping those drawings?”

  
Hyouga shrugs, “I don’t know.”

  
It’s not like he needs them or anything. Sometimes, Hyouga thinks it’s only because he’s secretly afraid what would his parents do if he didn’t keep them.

  
_Your parents aren’t here now, though,_ a voice whispers in his mind.

  
Atsuya-senpai seems to think the same, “How about we get rid of them?”

  
Shirou-san blinks at him, but he doesn’t disapprove of the idea, “What do you think, Yukimura?”

  
“I don’t mind?” he shrugs, staring at them, “I don’t like them anyways.”

  
“Hey, Aniki, how about we set them on fire?”

  
“Atsuya!”

  
“It would be the fastest way to destroy them, though!”

  
Hyouga snorts as he brings closer the trash bin, “I don’t want my house on fire, Senpai.”

  
Atsuya-senpai pouts, “Killjoy.”

  
Shirou-san shakes his head at him, then glances at Hyouga, “You should do the first one.”

  
Hyouga doesn’t argue with that and takes the first best drawing – some kind of still life he must have been practicing in his early years – and hesitates. As he tears the paper, slowly, something in his chest settles and he doesn’t understand why.

  
Atsuya-senpai gives him another one, “C’mon. You can do this, Chibi.”

  
Shirou-san looks his brother, then smiles at Hyouga, “It’s okay.”

  
On his fifth try, ripping his old drawings comes easier. On the tenth drawing, he feels the pressure on his chest lighten. On the fifteenth one, the wall in his mind cracks more. On the twentieth page, the wall breaks down and Hyouga gasps in wonder at the feeling.

  
It feels a little better.

  
On the twentieth first drawing, Atsuya-senpai joins. On the next one, Shirou-san also starts ripping the paper.

  
Leisurely, the trash bin fills up

  
And slowly, but steadily Hyouga can feel himself breathe again and by the end of it, he knows there’s a content smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> It's so long that I am too lazy to properly check for errors, forgive me!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Did you see the sparks, filled with hope?('Cause you are not Alone)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395619) by [NeloQuill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeloQuill/pseuds/NeloQuill)




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